Levels of felt and exuded confidence will vary person to person, in different scenarios and also at different times. One thing we seem to forget, or perhaps do not realise, is that courage, confidence and strength are within us and need only be uncovered. As I talked about when discussing Betterment, both are what we must allow to happen by being ourselves and channelling what is already there.
This is where awareness comes into play. We must be aware of the areas in which we feel we lack confidence and the underlying reasons that we are holding ourselves back. We must let go of past experiences and eradicate the unconscious notion that history may repeat itself. Confidence will follow. Confidence will flow.
How to grow your Confidence
· The first step is to reflect on your thoughts whilst thinking of situations in which you have felt self assured e.g. when you have done a good piece of work or smashed a workout
· Give yourself credit for all the things you have achieved in your life
· Recall others scenarios in which your lack of confidence has stopped you doing something e.g. asking someone on a date or not stating your case in a debate
· Ask yourself what you would have done differently in that situation and what the possible outcomes could have been
· Think about those times you progressed or achieved and retrospectively – feel the sensations
· Keep these sensations within you as you turn your attention to situation you feel you would have liked to have demonstrated more confidence
· Envisage that new outcome.
Now think about something that you are looking forward to. How do you want to be in that moment? How will you show your best self? Keep those feelings with you. Envisage that scene; play it out in your mind from start to finish.
You are practicing a new experience and your brain does not know the difference between a memory and a visualisation. Repetition of anything we do makes us better at it – so practice!
If you think of an area of your life that you are proud of, I would like to bet it is something that you consistently do. This repetition is what has allowed you to grow in confidence at that particular topic, action or plight.
Feeling confident in doing something may not occur overnight but it does come. We just need to establish the pathways in our brain that take us there. One of the best things I know as a real sure-fire way of getting there is to give yourself compliments and acknowledgements.
This might feel a little cringe-worthy to start with so write the ones down you have had from other people. Write them on nice bright post-it notes and stick them up in your bedroom.
Another wise move here is to have a trigger for when you talk shit to yourself. When you are beating yourself up over something – anything – you are layering over the confidence that you might need for this or another action. If you finding yourself going down this route, try standing up and clapping your hands loudly in front of your face. Or having the image of someone you admire or who cares about you, in your minds-eye or in a photograph and ask yourself; “What would they say?”
You have confidence that the seasons will follow one after the other so view your life from the same perspective. Try to remember that situations will occur both because of, and in spite of, your lack of involvement. There will be other factors that you have no control over but if you find the confidence within yourself then a situation may just play out as you want it to.
If you would like a supportive meditation try this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCKo7ObYnLg&t=173s
I am a coach, mentor and consultant focusing on all things that fall under the wellbeing umbrella - specifically relating to Mind, Body & Environment. I guide and assist individuals and companies to…
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