How do you feel about change? Does it excite you, opening up a mindful of different opportunities and possibilities, or does it fill you with dread, thinking about the effort of changing habits and breaking the comfort of the status quo? Love it or loath it, like taxes and death, change it something none of us can avoid in our lives and how we approach change psychologically can be a game changer in terms of how much we struggle through it. As Darwin never said (but is widely purported to have) “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”
Having spent the past 5 years delivering workshops on managing change and working 1-2-1 with clients to help them understand how they, as individuals and team leaders, can successfully manage change in their own lives and those of their teams, I have observed with interest the different reactions to change. I often start my workshops with an icebreaker to get participants thinking about their reactions to different changes. Office moves, new bosses, new work processes, these all bring up an interesting range of responses, and that was pre-Covid, before all our lives were thrown into a new level of uncertainty and change!
A lot has been written about change (especially over recent months!) and the plethora of advice and information out there can be quite overwhelming. So in this short blog I’ve tried to draw together some of the key factors that, from my experience of working with people struggling to manage change, can help deliver successful and sustainable change. I’ve presented these as three coaching questions that need to be addressed. This is not to necessarily imply a simple 3-step process to change, I accept change is not easy, but I have found them useful to help clients think best about how they can approach change.
The first hurdle on which many of us fall when faced with change is our own mindset. Simply thinking of ourselves as ‘creatures of habit’ can put us on the wrong footing, adopting a fixed mindset around change – “I’m no good at change” – rather than a ‘can do’ attitude. It’s not necessarily about liking the change, it’s about believing in our ability to adapt to it – a Growth Mindset.
Key to facilitating this is clarity around ‘the why’ behind the change and how we fit into the change. How will our lives look and feel post change, what will we be doing and how will we be doing it? These are all questions we need to answer to help ground us and provide a compass to guide our next move.
Have you ever tried changing a habit through willpower alone? Good luck there! The reason it’s so difficult is that willpower is like a muscle, it gets tired and when it’s tired that’s when we are most vulnerable to reverting back to the status quo. Working with context can help to make our transition through change a little bit easier. So, for example, if you want to lose weight, start using smaller plates.
Take a good, hard look at what you do, your existing habits. Will these ‘old’ behaviours help or hinder your transition? This is a bit like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole (pardon the cliché!), if our behaviours and routines are not congruent to our ‘new’ reality, change is likely to be a lot harder work. This is not about a major overhaul but often just little tweaks in the way we do things.
Several years ago two Harvard researchers looked at why we find change so difficult. We may know that change is in our best interest and we may start out all enthusiastically on the path to change, but very often, after a short time we revert back to our old ways. Why does this happen so often? This question was addressed by psychologist Kegan and Lehey, who found that when doctors told heart patients they must change their habits or they will die, only one in seven successfully did so. So if these people can’t change when faced with death, what chance do we have- clearly desire and motivation aren’t enough! They found that behind any habit of ours is a strongly held belief that fights against any change away from the status quo. So, for example, your new leadership role may now require you to delegate more but behind this may lay an assumption that if you did delegate tasks over you may loose your expertise, or the work may not get done properly. These are all beliefs that are getting in the way of change and uncovering these, through 1-2-1 coaching can help to enable long-term change.
Again, I reiterate that change is challenging for many of us. If it weren’t then there wouldn’t be a need for so many self-help books on the topic and I, for one, might not be pursuing an MSc in Coaching and Behavioural Change! However, as a coach I have found working through these questions can help clients think through and address the barriers that are likely to get in the way of successful and longer term behavioural change.
If you would like to talk to me about coaching please do get in touch – hello@melanielansbury.com
I support professionals looking to fulfil their true potential. Whether transitioning into a new career, role or business venture, or feeling like your stuck and looking for something more in your…
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