“Fake it ‘til you make it”... I love that phrase, and I hate it at the same time. On the one hand, what we have here is the ‘illusory truth effect’; it’s a sort of neurological quirk that means that when we hear something often enough, we believe it, even if it’s not true. And this is a really common technique that’s used by a lot of therapists and coaches; they help their patients and clients overcome challenges through positive thinking.
And it really can work.
On the other hand, I worry that this phrase limits us from reaching our full potential. After all, if BELIEVING that we’re confident is enough to get us by, what motivator is there for us to push ourselves further to actually BECOMING confident? Well, there’s none, really.
And that’s what I want to talk about: really being confident in 2020, not just feeling it.
To become confident, we really need to look at what confidence is and, more importantly, look at what a lack of confidence is. A lack of confidence is about thinking that you can’t do something… there’s really nothing more to it. So show yourself that you CAN do these things. I know, easier said than done, right? But you don’t have to jump right in at the deep end. Instead, exposing yourself to a range of new situations and environments can help you to see that you’re able to handle yourself amongst the unknown; that whatever you’re faced with, you come out the other side. This gives you the foundations on which to build up and confidently face your own challenges.
It’s OK to be Selfish
I’m a big believer in sharing and creating strong support systems… but I’m also a big believer in the idea that, sometimes, it’s OK to be selfish. In fact, if you want to be confident, I think it’s essential that you forget about everyone else for a moment and focus on you. The funny thing about confidence is that a lot of people who don’t think they have actually DO have it… they KNOW that they have what it takes to achieve their goals, but they also know that there’s people out there who they perceive to be even better equipped to succeed. Who cares? If YOU have what it takes, it shouldn’t matter what anyone else has. Stop comparing. You may be pleasantly surprised…
No More Faking
There are all sorts of ‘tips’ out there for becoming more confident, everything from dressing to impress and donning ‘power brows’ to wearing matching underwear and pulling your shoulders back as you walk… but no. These can all make you FEEL confident, but they won’t actually do anything to help you BECOME confident. Being confident is about having the power to quit the faking, and start believing in yourself.
If you feel you are struggling with your lack of confidence at work or in any area of your life then get in touch with me to see if we can work together to make 2020 your year!
I'm Kate Bishop and I'm here to make your Mondays feel just as great as Fridays. As a leading career and confidence facilitator and coach I work with individuals to empower them to find and follow…
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